At 10:53 am on May, 15th I walked into a small white office located in the lobby of the gym. As I entered the room, a paper was slid across the conference table. My manager asked me to sign it. She said it would be used for record-keeping purposes, and all my signature meant was an acknowledgment of an error made earlier that week.  A mistake, that was more of an annoyance, to one person, her. 

At 11:20 am, arriving at my hairdresser’s home, a text came from my co-worker who was present at the meeting asking if I was OK. In less than five hours I was graduating with honors and President Obama was speaking at the commencement ceremony. I was better than OK, I was GREAT! As we continued to text, his concern was validated. My manager shared with him her disappointment in me leaving the meeting speedily, without showing any signs of aggressiveness toward her. It was then he realized that I was deceived. The document I signed was in fact a letter releasing me from employment with the organization. An organization I was set on working for the next 20 years starting with an unpaid internship, which I needed to fulfill the requirements of a certificate program harmonious to my degree. 

The sizzling noises of my hair touching the curling iron reflected the churning of my insides and the temperature of tears running profusely down my face. It was May of 2009, the Great Recession in full effect. My mother had lost her job. My father, a car broker, was not getting any clients, and now, I too was on the unemployment list. I remained on that list for the next 10 months. Arguably, the hardest 10 months of my life. Even before that time, the year itself had started off poorly. It commenced with a bad breakup.  I went from 3 jobs to none in one week. Lost a best friend. My roommate was moving out, which left me to find a place on my own, and my car was eventually repossessed. 

Newspaper articles described the current economic climate as being one in shambles, and worse than the great depression with job losses topping 5 million. Day after day, my email notifications and call logs were devoid of messages from potential employers needing my services. Determined to move on, despite the bleak prospects for my future, I emailed. I emailed every person introduced to me at a conference or school event. I also participated in job fairs and seriously considered getting a job at a sandwich shop near my house. It would have suited me well, as cereal and bread became my food items of affordability. 

A pink leather journal and a fancy boxed pencil set remained in a white Chico bag on the floor of my room for weeks. It was a departing gift from senior leadership at the organization that fired me. A crocodile print covered its surface, and gold trim lined the edges of the sheets. Closed, it radiated luxury, class, and beauty, a time of my past. One day, either needing a break from job searching online or because I received a notification that my resume did not match another’s company’s interests. I decided to write.

It was a relief I did not know I needed. Each day, time was set aside to think, list intentions, articulate visions, apprehend thoughts, and compose short stories. Some days, I re-read what I wrote. That was not always the affable, as areas of my character that needed to be improved were revealed along with thoughts that should change. Making these improvements beckoned for me to speak about what I was perceiving. At the time, I was not a student of any religion or spiritual sect. The principles of the law of attraction were obscure to me. Yet, somehow, instinctively, I knew speaking would help solve the problem I currently faced. Therefore, I started talking to the walls and windows of my room, pacing around my bed, describing the future I wanted to see. Over time, as words from my journal and inner self filled the space, my energy went to a new level, and the gravity of my current circumstances became as light as a feather.

Full of faith, I re-contacted folks. Instead of sending my resume, asking for a job, I appealed to executive leaders and asked to learn more about them. Most of them admired my ambition and had their assistants schedule a time for us to meet. It worked! By August of 2009, I started an unpaid internship with a well-known non-profit organization. For four months, I managed a project supporting the community’s most vulnerable population (I did my best to conceal that I was amongst them also). The $4,000 I was awarded via scholarship for the internship, was used to pay my rent and purchase monthly bus passes. With catered lunch meeting leftovers supplementing my food expenses, I was able to splurge on a pair of dress shoes to wear to work. In December of 2009, when the internship ended, I was hired as a temp for three weeks (in a different department). Two years later, that same organization made an offer for me to run the program I interned for.

During the summer of 2009 when I thought I had nothing, I realized that everything needed to survive was already in me. That fancy pink journal was monumental in helping me make that discovery. It’s been eleven years, and I write just about every day! Researchers say that writing pen to paper reduces stress, supports the immune system, improves memory, helps address issues, cultivates a greater sense of self, strengthens one’s emotional state, enhances communication skills, and connects us to the spirit. Well, the last part, about a connection to spirit, was not from the research, that is my knowing, 100%. 

To become an avid journaler, consider the following: 

1. Purchase a journal. A good journal. I’ve tried to be budget conscious and, every time I did, the journal would magically fall apart. Leather backed journals are the best. 

2. Set a time to write. Plan to spend 10 – 20 minutes doing so. At any hour of the day. Some say morning, others say evening. I say, set aside time and write.  

3. Find a place to write. A coffee shop, your job (on a break!), at home, in a parked car, at the park, etc. I’ve written at those places and many more. Get comfortable and write!

4. Let it go and let it flow. Our minds are constantly active with thoughts and images. We feel various emotions throughout our day. Start with any of those. Record what you see, what has happened, what you have accomplished, what you learned, reflect on an area you recognize in yourself (or another) that needs to be improved. Comment on a social media post you saw. Write a statement about an outfit malfunction observed. Remind yourself of your goals. Describe what you love, your fears. Anything is game! 

5. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. They say it takes 21 days to establish a habit. Make a commitment to yourself to write every day for 21 days. Reflect on day 22. Please note: reflecting on entries can be tough, it was the only time I put down the pen. You may discover things about yourself you didn’t know or see things that make you unhappy. If this happens, how you respond is key. I picked the pen back up and sought help. Will you? 

6. Think less about composing grammatically correct entries and more about what is being communicated. Write what you hear, see, taste, or feel. Let the emotions speak (or logic). Fantasize, laugh, cry, smile, draw, and sing. Be free.

The discipline to follow the spirit in picking up that journal and declaring my dreams came because I was at a place, finally, quiet enough to hear it speak. 

Don’t wait.

Get a journal, grab a pen, write, listen, and let the light shine from within.